CRASHRHINOCEROS
Panorama across the water from a sailboat in Sausalito
DATA • SOFTWARE • BUSINESS • STORIES • MACHINES

I find things businesses
don’t see.

Then I figure out what to do about them.

I’ve spent a career crossing boundaries that usually keep people in separate rooms: analytics, software, operations, sales, customer experience, service, marketing, and the actual messy work underneath all of them.

Portrait of the person behind Crash Rhinoceros
INVENTOR • TECHNOLOGIST • WRITER • MOTORCYCLIST • ADVENTURER

I make things, fix things, and question assumptions.

I started teaching myself to code on an Apple ][+ when I was a kid. Since then I’ve built software and games, designed enterprise analytics systems and marketing programs, run automotive service departments, rebuilt broken business processes, and written fiction and nonfiction that has been published and recognized with awards. I’ve also lived on a sailboat, ridden motorcycles all over the West, and repeatedly questioned assumptions about how things were supposed to be done.

The common thread is simple: I notice things. Patterns. Friction. Missing information. Bad assumptions. Opportunities hiding in plain sight. Sometimes the result is a data model. Sometimes it’s a business strategy. Sometimes it’s a greasy checklist handed to a Porsche owner. Sometimes it’s a story.

SELECTED WORK

Things I found. Things I fixed.

The interesting part of my résumé is not the job titles. It’s what happened after I got there.

02
CUSTOMER INTELLIGENCE

“Customer health” needs to mean something.

Read the story

Everyone talks about “customer health.” Ask a hundred people what that means and you’ll probably get a hundred different answers. So I defined it mathematically—and in the process realized we were actually talking about two different things: Customer Health and, separately, Customer Strength.

To separate the two, I treated Customer Health as a measure of what was happening now—contacts, activity, opportunities and current engagement—while Customer Strength captured the deeper relationship: tenure, momentum and historical success.

Then I made the models work through complex institutional hierarchies, so individual departments and sub-accounts could roll into a meaningful overall score without throwing away the detail underneath.

Idea: turn fuzzy sales intuition into something measurable, explainable and useful.
04
INFORMATION DESIGN

Three gauges. No baloney.

Read the story

The platform team wanted a flashy dashboard—color, movement, visual effects, all the things that showed off what the software could do. But the customer was a major defense contractor, and I knew that wasn’t what they needed. They had been asking for Customer Health. I gave them Customer Health and, separately, Customer Strength—a more granular way to understand the relationship. Then I built the smallest dashboard I could: three gauges, a few KPIs, and a compact table. Black and white. No spectacle. The customer loved it.

The simplicity was deliberate. I already knew the audience cared far more about precision and usefulness than whether the platform could animate a chart. Giving them both Health and Strength also answered the question at a finer level than they had originally requested.

Internally, the stark presentation was not what people had expected. The customer reaction was the opposite: the major defense contractor immediately understood it and loved the additional granularity. The complexity stayed behind the screen; the answer stayed in front of them.

Result: design for the person who needs the answer—not for the software that wants to show off.
06
CUSTOMER EXPERIENCE

The greasy checklist.

Read the story

Many vehicle owners are enthusiasts. They don’t just want the vehicle fixed—they care about what happens to it, who touches it, and how the work is done. Our technicians already used detailed internal service checklists, but those forms stayed buried in the customer file. I started handing the actual completed checklist to the customer instead—grease marks, fingerprints and all. Suddenly the customer could touch the process. They loved it.

The shop foreman initially objected: those checklists were internal records and belonged in the file. So I changed the process. We made cleaner, branded forms for the technicians—but I specifically did not want the technicians worrying about keeping them pristine.

The fingerprints and grime were the point. They were physical evidence that an expert had actually touched the vehicle, inspected it and worked through the list. A polished brochure could claim expertise; the dirty checklist let the customer hold the proof in their hands.

Result: enthusiasm grows when customers are allowed closer to the craft.
07
CUSTOMER SERVICE

I had the tow truck come through the front service door — during a party.

Read the story

The dealership was holding a major rollout party. The service department had been cleaned up, customers were everywhere, and the entire point was to present a polished version of the business. Then a tow truck arrived with a customer’s disabled car. The customer was stuck outside in the pouring rain. I brought him inside, got him a drink, handled his problem even though service was closed, and had the tow truck come through the front service door—with the party still going on. The customers watched our service team handle a real problem in real time. They loved it.

That decision fit what I had already done with the rest of the event. Instead of hiding the service department, I had technicians stay in uniform, mingle with customers and answer questions. There was even an engine sitting on the shop floor because a car could not come off its lift in time. I treated all of it as part of what customers had come to see.

Management would have preferred the tow truck and disabled car stay outside until the party was over. Bringing them straight through the front turned an inconvenient real-world problem into something better than a staged demonstration: customers watched the service team take care of somebody when he actually needed help.

Principle: don’t tell customers how good the operation is. Let them see the operation.
HOW I WORK

A few recurring rules.

01

Look at the thing itself.

Dashboards, reports and meetings are representations. Sometimes you need to walk into the shop.

02

Evidence beats claims.

Show the data. Show the process. Show the technician. Show the dirty parts. Show what changed.

03

Complex behind. Simple in front.

A sophisticated model that nobody understands is mostly decoration.

04

Conventions require a reason.

“Nobody does that” or “that’s the way we’ve always done things” are not, by themselves, reasons not to do it differently.

TOOLS ARE NOT THE POINT

Technology is a lever, not an identity.

Tableau · SQL · Salesforce · NetSuite · Alteryx · AWS · Python · JavaScript · Informatica · Looker · Birst · Excel · Photoshop · machine learning · data integration · UI/UX · sometimes hammers, screws, or duct tape.

THAT’S THE WORK.

This is where things get ... different ... and fun.

I’ve also spent seven years living aboard sailboats, built games and strange machines, written published and award-recognized fiction and nonfiction, and accumulated more stories than was probably advisable.

Keep going ↓
SEVEN YEARS AFLOAT

For seven years, home was a sailboat in Sausalito.

I didn’t set out to embrace “alternative living.” I was broke, 27 years old, living in the bottom of my mother’s house, and desperately needed a place of my own. One afternoon my best friend looked around his family’s boat and said, essentially, Yeah man, you should live on a boat.

A month later—after a lot of research and very little actual idea what I was getting myself into—I owned a 1974 Morgan Out Island 28. It wasn’t a vacation and it wasn’t a carefully curated experiment in minimalism. It was home.

Then the education started: boats, weather, repairs, storms, salt water, self-reliance, freedom, and figuring things out because there was nobody else to do it. (Special thanks to Crazy Richard.)

I learned more about myself and life during those seven years than during any other period of my life.

There are stories. →
SOFTWARE, GAMES & INVENTIONS

I still make stuff because I want it to exist.

RhinoBuilder progression from text symbols through a drawn map to a generated game world
WORLD BUILDING • SOFTWARE

RhinoBuilder

I needed maps for a game and discovered I was terrible at drawing believable worlds. Hand-coding them as text was unbearably slow, so I tried drawing color-coded biome maps in Paint and wrote a program to read the image pixel by pixel. It worked—badly. Image noise made the resulting terrain a mess.

Eventually I realized I was solving the wrong problem. Instead of building a better way to draw worlds, I could build software that created them. RhinoBuilder generates elevation and proper slope progression, sends rivers and lava downhill, and then does the part I’m most proud of: it lets the geography create the climate.

The engine considers the world’s spin direction, humidity and temperature, then analyzes the terrain it just created. Mountain ranges affect what happens downwind; dry regions and deserts can emerge because of the mountains themselves instead of being painted onto the map afterward. Version 1 proved the idea. Version 2 made it usable. Version 3 is where I’m trying to make the thing genuinely ridiculous.

And it all runs in a browser. Nothing to install, no frameworks, no server-side engine—just efficient JavaScript doing the work locally.

Open the old project →
Treason game combat scene
Treason ship in a cove Treason town scene Treason exploration scene
GAME DEVELOPMENT

Treason

An old-school adventure/RPG originally written in pure JavaScript to run smoothly on an iPhone 3G. No frameworks and very little performance headroom meant the code had to stay lean: maps, movement, combat, towns, ships, inventory, state and interfaces all had to cooperate on hardware that now looks prehistoric.

The part I’m proudest of is its custom line-of-sight blocking system. I designed it to be both more accurate and more computationally efficient than the visibility approach used in the early Ultima games—a useful constraint when the target machine was an iPhone 3G.

Explore software & games →
Weight-sensitive cat food access limiter built from cardboard and wood
Hinged weighted mechanism used in the cat food limiter Cats inspecting the weight-sensitive mechanism
PHYSICAL INVENTION • PROTOTYPING

Blue was too smart for Version 1.

One cat needed to lose weight. Two other cats were lifelong grazers. “Feed them separately” turned out not to be a solution, so I built a mechanical access-control system that uses the animal's own weight to decide whether the food stays reachable.

The first prototype worked until Blue learned exactly where to step. Version 2 changed the leverage, sensitivity and counterweight until the lighter cats could pass while Blue triggered a hinged barrier. A cheap camera exposed the first failure mode and let me test the redesign against the actual user—who happened to be a very determined cat.

Design pattern: real problem → simple mechanism → prototype → observe the exploit → redesign.
THAT’S THE WEIRD.

The rest is where things get ... weird ... and hilarious.

Fiction, nonfiction, motorcycles, The USSR, cats, boats, strange coincidences, old computers, bad decisions, and a lifetime of things worth writing down.

Keep going ↓
TALES FROM AN EMPTY LOT

There is considerably more to life than work.

The 'Empty Lot' title was given to a collection of my writing when I was a teenager. It still fits.

Alien Power Struggle book cover

Alien Power Struggle

A sprawling novel written with my son: aliens, gods, pirates, conspiracies, grotesque bureaucracies, improbable alliances, and the sort of people who react to impossible situations by making them substantially worse.

Read about the book →
TRUE STORIES

Motorcycles, The USSR, boats, cops, jobs, bad decisions.

I have accumulated an unreasonable number of stories. The useful ones get written down. The ones that are better spoken may eventually involve a chair and a glass of bourbon.

Enter Scribblings →
When Mice Go Bad, an old Macintosh comic
ARTIFACT • 1991

When Mice Go Bad

Some things should not be modernized.

FICTION & ESSAYS

Dear Mr. Spider. The Fine Line. Mount Katchemfire. Flood Sharks.

Some serious. Some ridiculous. Some written on machines that would now be considered archaeological objects.

Browse the archive →
NO MAP

Parenting without a roadmap.

In 2010, my wife and I welcomed the sweetest person I have ever known into our lives.

Our daughter has a profound disability with no diagnosis. The best science available to us has found perhaps twenty other people in the world with anything remotely similar.

She walks and runs and laughs and plays and loves all the girly things (especially ponies, dollies, and purses). She does not speak—other than signing yes and no—and developmentally functions at roughly the level of a two- or three-year-old.

That means there is no book telling us what comes next. No reliable developmental curve. No large community of parents ten years ahead of us who could say, “Here’s what adolescence is going to look like.” We have mostly learned our daughter by knowing our daughter.

At the same time, I am raising a son (her older brother) developing along an almost as radical but completely different trajectory—exceptionally bright, physically large and athletic, and intensely capable. Raising both of them has often felt like being pulled in opposite directions at the same time.

It has been difficult, absurd, frightening, hilarious and occasionally completely insane. My daughter is the sweetest person I have ever known. I love spending time with her.

THERE WAS, AND STILL IS, NO MAP.
We have learned, and continue to learn, as things go.
Motorcycle at night
MACHINES & MOTION

Time is all we have.

Motorcycles first made sense because an $800 Suzuki turned a miserable San Francisco commute into a few minutes of freedom. They stayed because machines can change your relationship with distance, attention, time, and life itself.

“Why waste your time sitting in traffic?”
Why A Motorcycle? →
A VERY ABBREVIATED STORY

One life. Three ways of measuring it.

1971 1980 1990 2000 2010 2020 2026
01
WORKwhat paid me
IT1995–1998
Programming1999–2001
Automotive Operations2002–2007
Data & Analytics2008–2026
02
HOMEwhere life happened
Family Home 11971–1976
Family Home 21977–1980
Family Home 31980–1986
Family Home 41987–1989
College1990–1994
Apartments1995–1998
Boat Life1999–2006
Project House2007–2017
Real House2018–2026
Dream House2026 →
03
THE IMPORTANT STUFFwhat I actually did
Learning to live1971–1994
Making1981–now
Writing1989–now
Engineering1995–now
Inventing2007–now
CONTACT

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